Excerpts From Diary: Heartache

                                                       

  

(Corner of Your Heart)

Excerpts from a Diary Archive

Copyright © 2010 Lauren Hutchinson

I can't forget...

I feel you.

"I mean....something is immensely wrong when I wake up to cars beeping at me in the middle of an intersection because I was stuck in a daydream; trying to comprehend that I would never have you in my life again. It's not right to relive that moment when you said, "It's not the same without you." and I replied, "I'm not coming back". It's not right to relive it over and over again until it drives me insane! It's stupid to write messages just to delete them or dial numbers just to hang up.  Something isn't right when I am afraid to fall asleep every night because you might be there... waiting for me in my dreams.

         It's not normal that I don't eat because the hunger pains distract me from the unbearable aching in my heart. Something is wrong when I can't look at your picture without breaking down. It's not right that I drink to forget you but all I see at the bottom of the bottle...is your face. When does the pain go away? When is the sadness over? They say time heals. This clock has come to a stand still. They tell me you are hurting, too. I'm so sorry for this pain that I've inflicted. I had to set myself free..."

"...I have never known heartache like I do in this moment. It is soul eating. It is crippling. I want to crawl up in a corner and fade....

But I can't. 

I have to get up. 

Move on. 

Learn to love again. 

Let it heal my heart. 

I know this. 

You are gone. There is nothing left to remind me of you anymore. Yet I feel you still...."  

     "....If I could tell you one more thing, I would say: I hope you know, that I really did love you with all of my being. I laughed so hard with you. We fought like there was no tomorrow. We knew each other like the back of our hands and above all else, we had love. The greatest thing on this earth. You were a great chapter in my life. It was a comedy, a romance, a horror lots of times, but a very dramatic biography of us. I want you to know, that closing the chapter of you in my life, was truly hard..."

I don't remember you like I used to...

 I can't feel you like I used to. 

"The hardest lesson I have ever learned: sometimes, someone can live in your heart even when they cannot stay in your life...."