Excerpts From Diary: Again

Excerpts From A Diary Archive
Copyright 2010 © Lauren Hutchinson


"Into Dust" Mazzy Star

"..... I met him again tonight. 

I cannot seem to stop myself. 

It's like watching a disaster unfold and not being able to stop it. The only difference is, I don't think this is going to end up a disaster. 

In truth, I don't think this is going to end at all.

 I met him at the beach. Of course I had to look around cautiously before parking. There are so many things at stake. He was waiting for me on his motorcycle. The way he sat on his bike holding his helmet made me forget, once again, any of my concerns. It was like I had all these reservations but as soon as he came into sight, everything faded and seemed unimportant. He handed me a helmet and I hopped on the back. 

If I could relive moments from my life, that bike ride would be among the top 10. 

It was an amazing feeling to hold onto him and let him have complete control of my life. Freeing. 

He is still a stranger to me in many ways. 

Yet, I feel happier with him than I have in quite some time.

We rode down back roads in the warm August afternoon. 

My hair danced in the wind behind me. The adrenaline rushed. 

Partly because we were speeding rapidly on a motorcylce down an unknown, winding road. 

Mostly because I was holding him....."

".....We went to the drive ins tonight. We stuck a futon in the bed of his truck and laid there gazing at the stars for awhile. Talking. Enjoying each other. 

To be honest, I have no idea what movie was playing...Not one person in this world knows that I am in love with him. Not one. 

Not one person in this world knows what I'm about to do.

There are so many perplexing things in this life that I don't understand.

So many outcomes and risks. I have never taken a chance like this. He makes me feel...better. I remember now who I used to be. I used to be a happy girl. Happy like this. I guess that is why I have to see him again....."