Life Lately.

I think, sometimes, people perceive my life as always happy.  I guess this would be because the majority of life lately is pretty wonderful. That, and I am pretty optimistic. But my life is not always easy and light. I can assure you that I struggle, too.

The last couple of weeks have been vexed in many ways. I've been trying to shrug off all the little hassles that life has been throwing us. They start to pile up. Things have changed so much in the last couple of months. A few months ago, we were looking at things much differently. Ty had just started his new job in New York. We were newly engaged, and everything seemed to be falling into place. We had received word that we would be moving to an always sunny state, so Ty could pursue an even bigger job. I was planning Scarlett's VERY 1st birthday party and my wedding. I was getting excited to have a permanent home instead of two or more. (Read about that here) Things were all falling into place.

How quickly things change.
Things changed with Ty's work. This means, once again, we have no idea where we will be later this year or where we will be living in 2013, the year we are supposed to marry. Try to plan a wedding around that. It's stressful and nearly impossible. I like to have one place that I can call home. Right now, home is wherever Ty and Scarlett are. That is reassuring, but still not the same as being able to live in one place. I loathe uncertainty. That's probably why I am such a planner. Why everything has to be laid out in stone.

I try to not worry about things that I cannot control. I fail at this often.
My engagement ring has been in repair for over a month now because of an error made while sizing it and the diamonds around the band were loosening. It is symbolic of my life, lately.
Not all together....


Our seasonal house, in New York, is up in less than a month and we need to find another house, and be moved in by May. Not to mention, Scarlett's First Birthday Party (which is priority in my mind) is the first week of May, at our house in Massachusetts.  We are traveling home for that. You can say there will be a lot happening in the beginning of May.

I have decided to take a break with wedding plans for now. It makes me sad to do so, but we are not certain about anything right now. I don't want it to be a stressful experience. I want to enjoy planning it and every aspect of getting married. That isn't possible right now.

I don't expect that life will always be happy. I understand all too well, that sometimes life is messy. It can bring you to your knees in one moment. It can disappoint you. There are many things that I do not understand. I've been so overwhelmed lately, that I've even shut my phone off and turned off my computer so that I could gather my thoughts. I really appreciate all the texts & concerns from my friends, that I love so much. I just needed a day to sort through my feelings.

I wish that I could lift myself from this place. 

The point is, sometimes you can't. Sometimes, you need trust that what is supposed to happen, will. 

Once again, I leave it all in God's hands and trust that things will work out. Life has a way of happening on it's own terms. I think back to my darkest days. They were hard and crippling. But the times following those days were some of the most happiest moments of my life. It is true, all good things are proceeded by chaos. No one ever said it would be easy. But the rewards are usually worth it....
I guess time will tell...Until then, life goes on.

On a positive note, Scarlett has teeth coming in everywhere! Her top front teeth are coming in. I have never seen such a happy teether. I can't get her away from her books! She spends hours looking through them. I may have an author on my hands...wonder where she gets that from. ;)