Her Gift.

My writing lately, has become scarce here on the blog. Not because I am at a loss for words. But because I have been using up all of my thought and time on something else.
I have been writing a book for the past couple of years.
When I say the past couple of years, I actually mean 4 years.
Writing is my love affair.
I have days when I consume myself in it more than I should.
Days when I don't even want to look at it.
Days when it disappoints me. And days when I want to relish in it for hours on end.
Through all the seasons, one thing stays true: I am passionately in love with writing.

It has taken me many months to find the perfect story.
I cannot tell you how many times I have started over, throwing my countless hours of work away.
When Scarlett was born, I thought, 'There is no way that I am going to be able to finish this now. She will be my focus of attention for years to come.'
While this is true, she is my priority, I didn't expect to be blindsided by her gift.
I had planned to go back to work after my maternity leave was up. My job, as a banker, was important to me. Up until the very last day, I had every intention of going through with this.
On that day, I couldn't leave her.
I couldn't let someone else raise her while I worked, making merely enough money to pay for her child care.
It didn't make sense to me.

It was in those moments of grief, over losing time with her, that I chose to stay home. We didn't know what we would do financially. With great timing, Ty got laid off from his main job as an electrician, the same week that I left work. Although he still had fire fighting to fall back on,
I felt as though I had made a major mistake in our lives.
But I prayed.

I have this theory on life. That everything happens for a reason.
Though I may not understand much of this, I believe this because it always has in the past.
Just when things seemed to be at their hardest and most difficult; just as the door shut, a window opened.
A window offering Ty a job opportunity in New York. It was more than I could have wished for.
We jumped. We packed up and left in a months notice.
To say it was easy, would be a lie.
Then and there, with no friends around, and with Scarlett as my only job, I realized something marvelous.
 I had time.
All this glorious time had arose. I needed to fill it. Nap time twice a day. Play time, when Scarlett just wanted to be left alone. Time that Scarlett spent with Daddy.
Writing was the idyllic answer.

Scarlett, unknowingly, gave me the gift of time to write. Had she not came along, I might have spent many more years, between work and life, procrastinating my passion.
My book has been rewritten and revised numerous times.
But I am so utterly free in knowing that it is almost done.
By done, I am referring to my words. After that, comes the immense project of trying to find an editor, an agent, and a publisher.
That will be an adventure, in itself.
But I will pray that something will come along and blindside me, yet again, just as Scarlett did for me.
Someday, I will thank her for this generous gift that she has given me.