Tuesdays With Mom: Anna

I'm so pleased to be swapping with Anna today. I found her through my good friend, Katie's blog a couple of weeks ago. When she asked me to swap for Tuesdays with Mom, I was all for it. Please take a minute to read and check out her blog.....


in april i went to uganda.

for those who don't know my story yet,

i should say i went  back to uganda.

i didn't go for vacation

or on a mission's trip

or to visit old friends.

i went, really, to visit a grave.

not just any grave.

the grave of this sweet boy

my son, lucas.

i met lucas when he was six months old,

and living in an orphanage.

he had been found abandoned on the side of a street,

stayed at a local police station until the courts deemed him abandoned,

and then moved to a baby home for orphans.

it's hard to know the best way to tell this story to others.

do i just say it simply?

i met lucas,

fell in love with him,

became best friends with a six month old,

cared for him eight hours a day,

went home to america,

went crazy trying to bring lucas home,

found out lucas died alone,

missed him forever?

or do i try to really explain how it happened?

explain how lucas edged his way into my heart,

taught me more in a few short weeks than i've learned before or since, about love.

do i explain how the death of lucas made me realize i had been his mother all along?

do i talk about the hours of research i put into learning about adoption?

or the hours of research put into learning about sickle cell anemia?

the tears i cried,

the times i yelled at God,

the sunsets

and Christmas's without him?

the empty place he left in my life?

or do i simply say that when i met lucas he was an orphan,

but when i left him he was my son.

i know it doesn't make sense at all.

but to me, it doesn't have to.

visiting his grave was the next hardest thing to losing him.

with the dogs and their tore up ears,

the biting ants

and the garbage,

i just kept thinking-

beautiful boy, how can you be here.

and then i remembered that he isn't there at all.

to learn more about me and lucas,

come on over to glitter, small world.

we'd be happy to have you.