Dear Ty.

(Pause music at the bottom of the blog to play this instead)

Dear Ty....

I read this quote the other day and it sat with me well into the evening. I guess it really only strikes a chord for someone who has a love for writing. It only encourages me to write more because long after we are gone, long after our time here, our love will still be there. It will live through the writings that I have scripted about us...for us.

Tonight, you are on my mind...

I watch you from across the room. 
A tattoo on your arm that stands for your late mother.
You are made of everything that is true & good.
I have never known a man like you. 

You are the only person in this world that can make me feel content about myself.
You satisfy my hungry needs.
From the very day that I met you, I knew that you were different.
I had only known of one type of man before you.
The kind that took from me...
the type that gave me just enough light to shine but left me in the shadows when I needed someone the most. 
Before you, I had come to accept the fact that all I had ever had, was all that I was might ever get.
But then you came along & all you've done is give & love me.

I write so many of these love letters to you. I write them because I want you to know how much I utterly love you. When I am worn down and frustration has gotten the best of me, I sometimes take it out on you. But it has nothing to do with you. It never does. I am intricately sewn together with love, passion & many flaws. It can be confusing for even me.  I often feel as though you know me better than I know myself. I let myself down a lot. I am a work in progress. I make oaths to myself that I am going to show you how much I appreciate you. And then I disappoint myself because I can never seem to naturally love you, the way you love me. I adore you with every ounce of my being, but it never portrays as much as I need it to. I am sure this has something to do with my past. I was so used to loving in tumultuous, defiant ways that it carries on even now. Years later, I am still trying to free myself of this. It doesn't matter to you. You are patient with me. You love me for all that I am and all that I am not.

My fear is that I will fail you. That you will wake up one morning and finally see that I am not good enough for you. 

If this is not true, I can't seem to allow myself to swallow it- Because you, my love, are a rare breed. Your love is hard. It is solid and unwavering. I want to be like that. I want to be more like you.  I want patience. They say that you become like who you surround yourself with. I hope this is true. My intentions are to meliorate my heart; Teach it to love better. 

God knew what He was doing when He put you in my life. 

Ironically, you call me "your perfect", when in reality, you are the one who is close to unflawed.
My Ty... 
I love you more than I can explain. I hope that somewhere along this journey, I can show you one ounce of the love you have shown me. All the heartbreaking moments, every painful happening, all the tears, the blood and the chaotic messes that were once my life, they were all worth it. They brought me to you.


Happy Birthday, My Love. 

(More love stories here and here.)





Casual Friday